If there is one thing I have been all about, ever since I began this fitness journey of mine four years ago – it’s the pursuit of progress, not perfection. Four years I’ve been making the steady climb to a fitter, more balanced, and overall happier place. Imagine now Today’s post is very real for me, so buckle up cause I’m about to get thoughtful.
Readers, I’m in a rut. A HUGE rut (all caps for emphasis, of course). Here I am at the beginning of 2016, and I honestly don’t know what I want to do anymore. Well, let me be more specific – I don’t know what fitness goals I’m working towards, anymore. For the longest time, I couldn’t compete due to the financial strain of paying for my own wedding. Now, here I am, married to the man of my dreams, with all my proverbial ducks in a row, and I am severely lacking in the motivation department. I’m a bit surprised at myself, honestly. How could I pride myself on being so motivated and focused all the time, when, right now I clearly am not.
When one works towards a goal for a long time, it’s not uncommon to sometimes forget what motivated one to start working towards that goal in the first place. When I first discovered my fire for fitness, and for living a healthy lifestyle, I was driven by the desire to prove that I could compete, and do well. When I got engaged, I was driven towards the desire to be the fittest bride, possible. Now that I’m married, I’m finding it difficult to switch gears again, and to psyche myself up for a return to the stage. My career is more evolved, my personal life is more robust, and quite frankly, while I love training like a beast, I love food, too. Does that mean that I want to give up on competing, though. That’s the question? And, can present-day Adina compete successfully, altogether?
Not having to adhere to the rigors of being stage lean, I’ve loosened the reigns, so to speak, and I kind of like it. I love going out with my husband and not having to worry about having a glass of wine, and I love not being the one always whipping out tupperware containers of bland, boring food. I love not being a slave to the gym, waking up at 3 AM to train, oftentimes forcing myself into a 18-hour day. But again, I miss the rush of the stage, the satisfaction of reaching my peak conditioning, and the challenge that a rigorous prep can bring.
So, why am I writing this post? Is it simply to let you all know that I’m conflicted, and struggling? Well, partially. What I’m really seeking to do is to strike a chord in all of you who may be going through the same exact thing, and to offer up the same advice I am giving myself. Whether you’re a runner, a competitor, or anything in between – you’re bound to lose that fire from time to time. The trick, I have found – is to not beat yourself up over it. What you (and I) have to do is step back, evaluate what’s most important to you, and decide whether your former goals align with your current ones, or if some adjustments need to be made.
I’m not discounting a return to the stage at all, but neither am I saying that I’m a rush to get there, either. I’m in a funk, but I know I’ll come out of it. I don’t know what I want right now, but I know I’ll figure it out, somehow.
I invite you all who are struggling to comment below, and to share your own personal struggles with me. While ultimately it is only you (or I) who can fix the rut, a little support along the way couldn’t hurt.