The case for the lash curler, and Urban Decay’s The Revolution
Our scene is a courtroom at an undisclosed location in New York City. The date is July 28th, a hot and hazy summer afternoon. The case of Urban Decay Revolution Eyelash Curler v. the Makeup Public is about to begin.
A hush falls over the crowd as the defendant takes the stand. Imposing with her brushed metal exterior, and slightly medieval appearance, our misunderstood friend, the (Urban Decay) Revolution was ready for questioning by the rather pompous, pernicious, paunchy prosecutor.
The interrogation began:
Prosecutor: State for the judge and jury your name and occupation.
Revolution: My name is Revolution, and I am Urban Decay’s newest addition, an eyelash curler.
P: And where were you on the afternoon of July 11th, 2011?
R: I was just being launched to the public, sir.
P: State your relationship with eyelashes.
R: My goal is to curl lashes to wide-eyed perfection. No matter the size, the shape, the length of my user’s lashes, I will make them look perfectly curled and generally amazing.
P: You have no cage, why is that?
R: My creator made me with all lashes in mind. My unique construction and shape means that I will sit comfortably on every eye shape, work well with all lengths of lashes, and create a flawless, crimp-free curl everytime you use me. My spring is on the opposite side of the eye, to ensure that no hairs get caught.
P: So you’re saying that lashes have gotten caught in your spring before?
P: Is it true that you poked an innocent user in the eye?
R: Not at all. My construction makes it impossible when I’m used properly.
P: You are a breeding ground for bacteria, is this true?
R: Absolutely not. My cageless construction offers fewer nooks and crannies in which bacteria can hide. Even better, I come with 5 replaceable pads, to ensure that I always stay clean and in tip-top shape. When properly maintained, I will last a full year and a half.
The defendant’s story was rock solid, and everyone knew it. Unlike her fellow lash curlers, she was all necessary tool, and none the torture device.
Clearly defeated, the prosecutor sunk his head in shame, and proceeded to go back to his seat. From that moment on, the outcome was clear. No longer would Revolution be pegged with other lash curlers as a torture device, as it was obvious that she was both misunderstood and wrongfully accused. Behind her unusual exterior was a true gem, and in the end, it was clear that the Urban Decay Revolution Lash Curler ruled.